Editor’s note: Columnist Julie Fay tried to write about her dog’s recent leg injury, but got sidetracked with all the back-to-school activity this time of year. Her pooch Maisy took matters into her own paws and wrote this week’s column.
I have big problems. I try to be happy but everything is all wrong. Mommy keeps scratching my ears. She says, “Maisy, you’re a good girl.” She tries to make everything all better. But I am upset, and I will not be muzzled.
The big problems:
1. That man in the white coat. Daddy took me to see him two weeks ago. The guy talked nice to me but he was mean. He pushed and pulled my leg – the one that hurt! He was not nice. I have some friends that could do stuff to HIS leg.
2. No treats. Every day, Mommy pours stuff into her cup with the stupid cats on it. Then she goes to the magic closet. I love the magic closet. It has bully sticks and pig ears. I know they are there. I can smell them. But Mommy will not go to the magic closet. I sit and sit. I give her my paw. Sometimes I even howl. But Mommy just pets me and says she’s sorry. She says she knows how hard it is to lose weight. I don’t know what she’s talking about. I never lose anything.
3. Not enough food. I love my kibble. It’s yummy. But why can I see the bottom of the bowl when they put it down? I’m not a Chihuahua. I need more food!
4. No running. Daddy used to take me to the woods every morning. We would run and run. We would smell the forest smells. We would bark at deer. Now he never takes me. I bet he doesn’t bark, either.
5. No toys. They took my chicken. Mommy used to throw it down the hall. She would chase me but I was too fast for her. Sometimes I would bring it back and she would throw it again. Now she says I can’t run. She only plays tug-of-war, and only with my rope. I like the rope, but it’s not my chicken.
There are other problems, too. Mommy closes the porch door all the time now. How can I jump on the chairs and bark at the motorcycles if I can’t get on the porch?
Daddy picks me up to put me in the car and take me out. It’s embarrassing.
Yesterday, Mommy said I’m on the DL. Uncle Dave said I’m on the PUP list. Everyone laughed. I don’t see what’s so funny. I’m starving. I’m bored. My leg feels fine. There are smells to smell and those rabbits outside aren’t going to bark at themselves. Unless they take me for some longer walks soon, I’ll never catch up.
I heard Daddy telling Mommy I might have surgery. I hope it tastes like pig ears.